


Birthday Bitch

by Heartfulkings



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29703945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartfulkings/pseuds/Heartfulkings
Summary: I wrote this for elstarwarslover :) I hope you enjoy your fic.
Relationships: Jade Harley/Kanaya Maryam, Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Birthday Bitch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elstarwarslover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elstarwarslover/gifts).



Rose ran coffin shaped nails through her coiled hair, adjusting the phone on shoulder. When Dave called Rose, she tended to multitask as he rambled on in his usual manner. Most of the time he didn’t even notice as long as she interjected with the occasional comment, and Rose was sure he did the same when it was her time to talk. On a particular day that happened to be a week before her birthday, she was more absentminded than usual. 

“Rose?” Dave’s pointed tone wrought her back to reality. 

“Mhm?” Rose hummed noncommittally. She folded another shirt to put aside.

“Dude, seriously this is important.”

Rose scoffed, “What? What is it?” 

“It’s almost our birthday,” he delivered in the tone of someone tasked with breaking bad news. Rose dropped her shirt.“Fuck, I have to ask you something,” she blurted. 

Judging by everything one might know about Dave, he was probably leaning against his kitchen doorway with a cocky expression. His sunglasses were probably lowered too. “I’m assuming you didn’t get me a present.” 

Rose rolled her eyes, in what was probably a characteristic gesture he’d imagined. Her and Dave had known each other long enough to simply infer the other’s ticks. “Please, like I’ve ever forgotten to give you a stupid present. No, it’s just that I remembered overhearing Jade and Kanaya the other day. They’re planning a surprise party, and they have this elaborate plot that’s going to waste because of my nosiness.” 

“Dude, just go along with it. You don’t want to hurt their feelings. By the way, that sounds super cute oh my god. You know, y’all lesbians seem to have everything together, like us gays and the cishets of the world can only watch as lesbians dominate the world-”

Rose said, “I’ll have to stop right there Dave,” with as much patience as she could manage. “Remember what performative activism is.” 

“Oh fuck I get you, I’m so sorry.”

“I just need advice. You know how I’m no good at playing along with things, especially when I know what’s what. What am I supposed to do? Pretend to be shocked when it happens?”

“Yeah? That is exactly what you should do. It might be a struggle to act like you’re not a know it all but it’s for the sake of your girlfriends.” 

“I bet that’s something you use to justify your standoffish behavior towards others. Is it easier to pretend your cool guy persona is a selfless action?” 

Dave sputtered. “Oh fuck no, you are not pulling that shit on me.” He hung up, which while not surprising, could prevent a slight sigh escaping Rose’s lips. Sometimes she wished she wouldn’t run her mouth when nervous. If she were to psychoanalyze this habit, it’d be accredited to a constant need for control of stressful situations. Which in turn could be traced back to her childhood full of counseling her drunkenly despondent mother, and bearing the responsibility of the woman of the house so to speak. 

By the time Jade and Kanaya arrived home, Rose had folded all the clothes, dusted everything, rearranged furniture and found a picture album that was buried in a cabinet. 

Jade was the first to announce their presence. “Rooosey honey, we’re home!” She bounded cheerfully to Roses side, sitting precariously on the sofa’s arm. Her skin, usually a deep and healthy brown was darkened a few shades from spending most of her days outside. Her biceps flexed slightly when she leaned over and Rose had to silently remind herself there was no shame in paying attention to this detail. Kanaya swept in as well, her regal face literally glowing. She hooked her designer purse on the coat stand and joined the two. Between Kanaya resting upon her breasts, and Jade propping her chin on Rose’s shoulder, there was a feeling blossomed between the three. Something almost able to be described as a metaphorical daisy chain. 

Dinner was an informal affair as usual, take out sprawled along the coffee table. Rose was retelling an embarrassing thing Dave did the other day, and giggles filled the apartment. The sounds of glass malta bottles clinking joined in until their neighbor pounded on his side of the wall. Jade pounded back which threw Kanaya into a laughing fit as Rose stole from Jade’s plate. 

It was a nice home. Cramped, sure, with thin walls and cranky neighbors, but it was so much more than that. This home was a release of unhappy times. Upon attending college Jade and Rose naturally stayed together as roommates, whether at the dorms or off campus when they were both expelled for leading a harrasment campaign against a pervy professor. When Kanaya fled Alternia to study abroad, Rose was her first human friend, upon meeting each other in a coffee shop. Jade was left with an odd mixture of jealousy and desire. She’d later explain it was an inner conflict between sourness at her best friend’s newly captured attention, as well as the guilt of being attracted to the very present competition. As it turned out, Kanaya held no interest in holding grudges and the two agreed to get along on the behest of Rose. They still held a certain amount of antagonism towards each other, which was only solved when Rose kissed both girls on New Year’s eve. They’d spent the early hours of morning celebrating a passing of the year and the birth of a fragile relationship. 

Now things came more naturally. As if indulging Rose on her near birthday without acknowledging the occasion, Kanaya and Jade drew a bath full of hot water and sweet smelling bath bombs. As Rose sank into the water she remembered the discussion overheard earlier. She idly splashed water, and as her muscles loosened in the heat Rose started to plot. If there was anything to know about Rose, it was her stalwart dedicatiton to never playing dumb. 

On Rose’s birthday there was a funeral. Jade and Kanaya were huddled together towards the back as Callie read out their eulogy. It really was quite pretty. They’d chosen an abandoned church to host the funeral- according to Dave, renting a regular church was too passe. The ceiling had partially collapsed a long time ago, letting in modest rays of sunshine and the sting of winter air. Every so often a watery clump of snow sludged down into a puddle. The stained glass surrounded everyone in various stretches of color. The signless in all his height and glory loomed behind Calliope, arms outstretched with shadows dappling their green skin. 

Dave and Karkat leaned together on a pew closest to the casket, and knowing them they were trying their best to hold in their laughter. Jade’s dog ears pulled back as she growled lowly. Those idiots better not ruin anything. Kanaya gave Jade head scratches to relax her which usually worked. This time though, Jade was only distracted enough to murmur frantically, 

“Where the hell is Rose?” 

“You know how she is. She overthinks this sort of thing, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was getting caught up in another anxiety episode,” Kanaya soothed. This was not soothing, but trolls had very different priorities. Jade harrumphed and pulled out her phone to text. Before she could send anything, the double doors opened to admit Rose herself. In such a sombre event, innocuous things like the silent swing of a church door was made loud enough to create an entrance. Upon spotting Rose, in her velvet suit and haughty expression, a wave of talking and commentary swept through the place. If she noticed this she made no indication of such, and sayshayed to sit by Jade and Kanaya. 

The funeral reception was when everything was supposed to fall into place. Jane had made an array of food, and everyone was far too cheerful for what was supposed to be a funeral. In their defense, neither Jade nor Kanaya had the proper context for what was conventionally allowed at a funeral. Rose, having been used to attending funerals with her mother would be a bit harder to convince, but as she mingled amongst the guests, she didn’t seem to be too troubled. Kanaya kept an eye on the clock, counting down the seconds until- 

“This was a murder!” Aradia announced grandly. Her and Feferi stood from their place by the casket, though Feferi seemed weirdly sincere in her mourning of Sollux. Aradia in contrast, moved her jaw as if to swallow down a grin. She was not a very good actress. “Sollux’s voice told me there was a killer! But um, he didn’t see their face very clearly, so. We’ll have to investigate this.” 

Now this was Kanaya’s cue. As staged pandemonium broke out she waded to Rose’s side. 

“Rose, please,” she said, batting her eyelashes. “Won’t you help?” 

Rose settled a hand on Kanaya’s hip to pull her close. “Why me?” 

“Obviously because you’re the smartest of all of us. Who else would be able to solve a murder?” 

That was the best appeal, as Rose grinned and immediately got to business. “Alright then. We’re going to need a list of suspects first of all.” 

Jade popped into existence at their side, her tail wagging. “We should look into the pre established killers first,” she suggested. 

First was Vriska. 

“Er, I. I thought this was called off?” Vriska answered, clearly befuddled. Jade wished she could get away with facepalming. 

Rose gave her a searching look. “What was called off?”

Vriska looked between Jade and Kanaya, settling on, “Uh, whatever. Even if I killed Captor what about it? Are you gonna lock me away like those stupid human movies? Oh no I’m soooooooo scared.” Thankfully her bravado saved her. 

“Thank you for your input,” Rose said cooly. She wrote something down in a pocket notebook. 

Next was Eridan. 

“Are we seriously still playing this wrigglers game?” He asked, crossing his arms and clearly unimpressed. Rose didn’t budge. “That’s not an answer Mr. Ampora.” 

“Trust me, if I killed him you’d all know by now.” As much as he pretended otherwise he was clearly enjoying the chance to pull out his theatre kid-esque acting ability. Rose nodded grimly. Jade suppressed the urge to meet a fond glance with Kanaya. 

They were supposed to interrogate Gamzee next. Supposed to, because apropos of nothing Aradia stood once again. Unlike earlier there were grief stricken tears tracking down her cheeks. Maroon, like droplets of stained blood. Feferi had started to wail, and uneasiness filled the room. This wasn’t planned. 

Aradia lifted her voice. “I can actually hear his voice. This isn’t a set up anymore.” 

Those very words panicked everyone, and accusations were flung around immediately. An unsurprising attention of suspicion was focused on Jade and Kanaya. The only unaffected person was Rose, who marched forwards to meet with Aradia. Jade and Kanaya hurried after. Rose sat on the brim of the casket, peering down onto Sollux’s docile face. 

“What exactly did his voice tell you,” Rose asked. Aradia tried to wipe up the barrage of tears as she gathered herself. 

“I- this was just supposed to be a surprise party, but,” she hiccuped. “Then his voice started to take over the others, and he was trying to get something across to me. I’m not sure what he was trying to get across but it was something like, like-” 

Sollux sat up, startling Kanaya and surprising a scream out of Jade. “Happy goddamn birthday!”

Rose was grinning, looking happier than ever. Kanaya was blinking rapidly, and Jade caught on. 

“What. the fuck Rose.” 

She shrugged. “I already knew what you were planning, so I wanted to have fun. And honestly, this is so much better than pretending to be surprised.” 

Jane and June had brought out a cake, and the earlier tension was completely gone. For some reason Dave had brought out his dj tables. Roxy waved cheerfully from where he was hanging with Dirk and Jake. Rose waved back. As easy as it would be to make a fuss about everything, Jade couldn’t bring herself to do so when Rose was so stupidly pleased with herself. 


End file.
